Faith, Miracles Happen

After my accident I wasn’t just in a low place, I was living a hell inside my head but a miracle happened!

I did not let the enemy win my faith, my marriage, my joy, my future…there were/are days he got the upper hand by taking my peace but not without a fight! This is the hard cold reality and one of the strongest reasons I share, most people like me succumb to the depression.
I won’t even spell it out for you but there are tons of statistics.
I now have PTSD. I don’t look like the face of PTSD and the anxiety is already getting more manageable. 🙏🏻 Loud noises (especially the sound of a throaty Harley) startle me in a rush of adrenaline that eventually causes heart palpitations and a headache. I hate that I don’t have control over this!  ❤️ There are accidents involving fatality everyday yet I felt completely alone and hopeless…
Before my accident I had many thoughts and opinions over mental health and how selfish suicide is, even thinking about ending one’s life is selfish, it was the wrong word. The word is hopeless.
I held on to hope when I could not see or feel anything. My faith and the prayers of those who love me were just enough and I am so grateful! Forever grateful!
Something I did that was a miracle one very low day is I looked up all the promises of God. I had to hold my thoughts accountable! I got out a sheet of paper and divided it down the center (hotdog style for my teachers out there 😌)
God is TRUTH| The enemy LIE
God is love
God wants to forgive me
God has answered other prayers
God is answering current prayers
God blessed me with family
God provides the perfect songs when I need them
God is bigger than all things
With tears I wrote the list and on the other side…
The enemy steals, kills and destroys
he lies, deceives
he wants me to stay sad and rob my joy
he wants to destroy the future of my children
So from that day forward I kept that notebook with me if I was out of the house and when I went back in. I would refer to it when a thought came and it was categorized.
I did recognize I would need help so I did make an appointment with a licensed counselor that specializes in PTSD.
I rested in the promises of God! I took captive my thoughts and I still battle them!
Thank you for letting me outlet here what has been a crock pot of emotions in my head. If you are struggling with the negative talk, or influenced by lies it is time to take captive the thoughts and words you speak and believe. Put some emotions in a clear box and recognize them but don’t play with them. Instead label those things healthy/unhealthy and begin to replace the unhealthy thoughts/actions.
Today I still struggle as different situations pop up, new layers of dealing with a new reality. In just a couple days it will be 18 months since my accident that claimed a life of an innocent person. I still think about this person and his family everyday, sometimes many times a day. The difference from a year and half ago is I have HOPE restored, I am so grateful for things in life that are eternal and lasting! My worldview has forever changed, my lens is focused on helping others while helping myself. I will never lie and say it’s all roses or easy but I also will not entertain guilt that I am branded or shamed or selfish to celebrate healing! Sensitive, yes! Guilty, NO!
You may not be able to relate to my particular situation ( I pray not) but the road to healing means searching the broken pieces and acknowledging them without entertaining them.
Maybe you are not a believer, but you want healing. The short reality is this is the only truth I know personally. That does not mean you (non-believer) are without hope. Make you list of thoughts and ask verbally and internally for your eyes to see and your very being to guide you to your truth! If you ever would like prayer please message me!
Claim that miracle!
Be accountable to your thoughts and actions!
Make a plain list, don’t just set a goal but a plan on how to get there!
XOXO 😘
2 Corinthians 10:5-6 The Message (MSG). 3-6 The world is unprincipled. It’s dog- eat-dog out there! The world doesn’t fight fair. But we don’t live or fight our battles that way—never have and never will. The tools of our trade aren’t for marketing or manipulation, but they are for demolishing that entire massively corrupt culture.

2 Corinthians 10:3-5 New International Version (NIV)

For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does.The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

marriage, Struggles are Real

We still do…

Oh my word this man!!!!

This. Man! He may look like he is grabbing my boobs (And He definitely is!) but he has my heart! (teenagers were mortified by their daddy’s hand placement, ha!)

We are a special kind of crazy-in love! ️

Lesson # 728493 on why I love my husband! 16 years of bumps, bruises, and all out brawls, but we still do…

He is a coach, I am a coach’s wife (if you are one, then you know)

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Our life is juggled by the seasons, literally (what sport is in season?!! and there we will be) and spiritually!

There was a time I thought he loved video games more than me.

Loved sports more than me.

Players/athletes more than us…

It took years to see the unhealthy thinking!

 

Truth is he is a talented coach and it is his ministry. Supporting him in his passion is incredibly important to his confidence as a man and leader of our home! It took a series of events for me to see. As much as I hated to share him with the players, parents, officials, other coaches, and ________, I also knew I was/and still am his biggest fan!

 

We rode the bus, traveled with the team, with a baby on my hip, one in the stroller and one clinging to my shirt… it was rough but I learned I would rather be there than wondering what the score was. Before he started coaching we were in youth ministry and we worked for a children’s home. (Oh the stories of our 4 years there!) God was blending his youth ministry calling with love of all things athletic.

*side note when we were dating and falling in love Chris would volunteer coach tennis with my dad (who was a  HS tennis coach at my alma mater)

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I had 3 children under the age of 5 and I felt what I would describe as my love-tank was on empty. I was running on fumes in the love area. This was before the “cake” illustration but God was working on us both. Chris was asked to help coach football and run the weight room. This was in addition to our house-parent duties. He loved it! He came alive and spoke into the lives of these young men. However, there is sacrifice with a dedicated coach…I felt alone.

So in an attempt to help him see what he was missing I made a plan.

 

-God has a sense of humor!

 

Secretly I packed bags for the kids and I made a plan to leave while he was at practice “teach him a lesson” I was only going to visit his family 3 hrs away with a note on the counter… (drama)

The jokes on me because I learned the lesson.

I told God, “Ok Lord when he leaves today for practice we are leaving!”

3:00 rolled around and he had made plans for another coach to cover for him and we went to the park.

Mind you no one, Not a Soul knew my “plan” but God!!!

We had a great time as a family, I even made a few snarky remarks about practice and he didn’t take the bait but said he wanted to spend time with us.

So the next day I said, “Ok Lord today when he goes down to practice, we are leaving and all he will have is that letter telling him that we need to be a priority!”

 

And then 3:00 rolled around and our time into Ft. Worth “town” had run long and we were not back in time for practice.

I just started laughing watching the clock and he reached over and grabbed my hand as we drove back.

I was convicted! God showed me the plan he has trumps my plans!

I am so very grateful for the Lord in this lesson!

After about 2 weeks I pulled the bags out from under the bed (secret spot 🤣) and confessed to Chris my big selfish plans.

We both cried.

We made a few compromises, hashed a few things out and most importantly grew deeper in love!

 

Be mindful of a few things…things I’ve learned the hard way…

Pray for his passions!

Pray for his direction!

Let God fill your cup!

Be careful what you TELL God! The joke will always be on you!

Be mindful of the spirit trying to intervene when we are veering away from God’s will!

Laugh *Love* Learn* Lean on each other!

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Struggles are Real

How a picture of cake saved my marriage

E01B4218-D3C5-4E40-9BE2-B19483A8E88BIf I had a nickel for every time I thought about divorce…
Shameful I know but my acorn app would be stocked with more acorns then I will ever admit! While I am confessing I threatened divorce and manipulated my poor husband in ways that literally break my heart now.
We were young (no excuse), newly married(not an excuse) and walking through the fire of trial (still no excuse). Almost a decade later and I am so grateful for the stubborn loyal man God gave me! The first seven years were extremely difficult, stories I hope to share in bite size pieces.
Changing point…
Chris (my love for the last 19 years) was gifted The Purpose Driven Life and journal and I was emerged in a Bible study that I can’t remember the name. 🤷🏼‍♀️ I do remember the illustration explaining how my relationship with Jesus mattered like the most decadent cake you can imagine. My marriage is the frosting and the adornments of fresh fruit or sprinkles are my children.
My happiness is also my responsibility and no one can or will be able to fill the void in me like my relationship with Jesus!! 💡
Our ship (marriage analogy) shifted directions and avoided collision with a glacier and sinking.
I thank God everyday now for the change in current that lead to a healthy and loving relationship! It took years of dying to or personal needs and learning to love unconditionally.

I almost believed the mainstream talk shows that were promoting that divorce was “healthier” than being in a less than ideal marriage. Things aren’t going as planned, the arguing, the disagreements, better for the kid, the financial struggles, etc… Beyond grateful God showed me who was in charge of my life, reminded me of the vows I committed to, and gave us just enough hope to cling to!
If you are passionately in love with your soul mate, count your blessings and never ever take it for granted!
If you are struggling and fantasizing about nickels 🤭 I mean divorce… cling to hope! God can steer any ship and he can even emergency floating device if the water has begun to capsize your boat. Guess what he can even give you a new one!
Keep your vows scared!
Remember no one can “make” you happy! Not the home, not the physical appearance, not the numeric balance in your accounts…You and your relationship with the Lord is the answer. The other things fall into place once that is healthy!

Protect your marriage!

Now here is this disclaimer my marriage was not unhealthy in the area of abuse, if that is your circumstance please get help! We were just selfish! But we were both actively hanging on!

If you have lost a marriage my heart breaks for you but at the same time I know God can taken broken and make it beautiful! He restores! He rejuvenates!

Dear Lord,

Thank you for the struggle now that I am on the way out of ruts in our marriage. I am so grateful to see where my flesh (selfishness) and my sin almost deceived me in my decisions. That I would be better or happier without the man you gave me! I was wrong for making it an idle and I died to all those fairytale dreams and made your will first. Thank you, I praise you! Lord please touch those that are in those valleys, those that are losing hope and feel irreconcilable differences is the answer… We say no, make a way where there seems to be no way! Make our hearts new, I pray for my spouse from head to toe, go before them, soften their hearts towards you! May their walk with you be greater and most important in their life, trusting our love will grow in ways we can’t imagine! Thank you for what I am learning, how you shape me because of my marriage!

In Jesus precious name,
Amen!

Recommend:
https://www.amazon.com/Pillow-Talk-Couples-Drawing-Closer/dp/0849996627

https://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage