marriage, Struggles are Real

We still do…

Oh my word this man!!!!

This. Man! He may look like he is grabbing my boobs (And He definitely is!) but he has my heart! (teenagers were mortified by their daddy’s hand placement, ha!)

We are a special kind of crazy-in love! ️

Lesson # 728493 on why I love my husband! 16 years of bumps, bruises, and all out brawls, but we still do…

He is a coach, I am a coach’s wife (if you are one, then you know)

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Our life is juggled by the seasons, literally (what sport is in season?!! and there we will be) and spiritually!

There was a time I thought he loved video games more than me.

Loved sports more than me.

Players/athletes more than us…

It took years to see the unhealthy thinking!

 

Truth is he is a talented coach and it is his ministry. Supporting him in his passion is incredibly important to his confidence as a man and leader of our home! It took a series of events for me to see. As much as I hated to share him with the players, parents, officials, other coaches, and ________, I also knew I was/and still am his biggest fan!

 

We rode the bus, traveled with the team, with a baby on my hip, one in the stroller and one clinging to my shirt… it was rough but I learned I would rather be there than wondering what the score was. Before he started coaching we were in youth ministry and we worked for a children’s home. (Oh the stories of our 4 years there!) God was blending his youth ministry calling with love of all things athletic.

*side note when we were dating and falling in love Chris would volunteer coach tennis with my dad (who was a  HS tennis coach at my alma mater)

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I had 3 children under the age of 5 and I felt what I would describe as my love-tank was on empty. I was running on fumes in the love area. This was before the “cake” illustration but God was working on us both. Chris was asked to help coach football and run the weight room. This was in addition to our house-parent duties. He loved it! He came alive and spoke into the lives of these young men. However, there is sacrifice with a dedicated coach…I felt alone.

So in an attempt to help him see what he was missing I made a plan.

 

-God has a sense of humor!

 

Secretly I packed bags for the kids and I made a plan to leave while he was at practice “teach him a lesson” I was only going to visit his family 3 hrs away with a note on the counter… (drama)

The jokes on me because I learned the lesson.

I told God, “Ok Lord when he leaves today for practice we are leaving!”

3:00 rolled around and he had made plans for another coach to cover for him and we went to the park.

Mind you no one, Not a Soul knew my “plan” but God!!!

We had a great time as a family, I even made a few snarky remarks about practice and he didn’t take the bait but said he wanted to spend time with us.

So the next day I said, “Ok Lord today when he goes down to practice, we are leaving and all he will have is that letter telling him that we need to be a priority!”

 

And then 3:00 rolled around and our time into Ft. Worth “town” had run long and we were not back in time for practice.

I just started laughing watching the clock and he reached over and grabbed my hand as we drove back.

I was convicted! God showed me the plan he has trumps my plans!

I am so very grateful for the Lord in this lesson!

After about 2 weeks I pulled the bags out from under the bed (secret spot 🤣) and confessed to Chris my big selfish plans.

We both cried.

We made a few compromises, hashed a few things out and most importantly grew deeper in love!

 

Be mindful of a few things…things I’ve learned the hard way…

Pray for his passions!

Pray for his direction!

Let God fill your cup!

Be careful what you TELL God! The joke will always be on you!

Be mindful of the spirit trying to intervene when we are veering away from God’s will!

Laugh *Love* Learn* Lean on each other!

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Struggles are Real

How a picture of cake saved my marriage

E01B4218-D3C5-4E40-9BE2-B19483A8E88BIf I had a nickel for every time I thought about divorce…
Shameful I know but my acorn app would be stocked with more acorns then I will ever admit! While I am confessing I threatened divorce and manipulated my poor husband in ways that literally break my heart now.
We were young (no excuse), newly married(not an excuse) and walking through the fire of trial (still no excuse). Almost a decade later and I am so grateful for the stubborn loyal man God gave me! The first seven years were extremely difficult, stories I hope to share in bite size pieces.
Changing point…
Chris (my love for the last 19 years) was gifted The Purpose Driven Life and journal and I was emerged in a Bible study that I can’t remember the name. 🤷🏼‍♀️ I do remember the illustration explaining how my relationship with Jesus mattered like the most decadent cake you can imagine. My marriage is the frosting and the adornments of fresh fruit or sprinkles are my children.
My happiness is also my responsibility and no one can or will be able to fill the void in me like my relationship with Jesus!! 💡
Our ship (marriage analogy) shifted directions and avoided collision with a glacier and sinking.
I thank God everyday now for the change in current that lead to a healthy and loving relationship! It took years of dying to or personal needs and learning to love unconditionally.

I almost believed the mainstream talk shows that were promoting that divorce was “healthier” than being in a less than ideal marriage. Things aren’t going as planned, the arguing, the disagreements, better for the kid, the financial struggles, etc… Beyond grateful God showed me who was in charge of my life, reminded me of the vows I committed to, and gave us just enough hope to cling to!
If you are passionately in love with your soul mate, count your blessings and never ever take it for granted!
If you are struggling and fantasizing about nickels 🤭 I mean divorce… cling to hope! God can steer any ship and he can even emergency floating device if the water has begun to capsize your boat. Guess what he can even give you a new one!
Keep your vows scared!
Remember no one can “make” you happy! Not the home, not the physical appearance, not the numeric balance in your accounts…You and your relationship with the Lord is the answer. The other things fall into place once that is healthy!

Protect your marriage!

Now here is this disclaimer my marriage was not unhealthy in the area of abuse, if that is your circumstance please get help! We were just selfish! But we were both actively hanging on!

If you have lost a marriage my heart breaks for you but at the same time I know God can taken broken and make it beautiful! He restores! He rejuvenates!

Dear Lord,

Thank you for the struggle now that I am on the way out of ruts in our marriage. I am so grateful to see where my flesh (selfishness) and my sin almost deceived me in my decisions. That I would be better or happier without the man you gave me! I was wrong for making it an idle and I died to all those fairytale dreams and made your will first. Thank you, I praise you! Lord please touch those that are in those valleys, those that are losing hope and feel irreconcilable differences is the answer… We say no, make a way where there seems to be no way! Make our hearts new, I pray for my spouse from head to toe, go before them, soften their hearts towards you! May their walk with you be greater and most important in their life, trusting our love will grow in ways we can’t imagine! Thank you for what I am learning, how you shape me because of my marriage!

In Jesus precious name,
Amen!

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https://www.amazon.com/Pillow-Talk-Couples-Drawing-Closer/dp/0849996627

https://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage