Faith, Miracles Happen

After my accident I wasn’t just in a low place, I was living a hell inside my head but a miracle happened!

I did not let the enemy win my faith, my marriage, my joy, my future…there were/are days he got the upper hand by taking my peace but not without a fight! This is the hard cold reality and one of the strongest reasons I share, most people like me succumb to the depression.
I won’t even spell it out for you but there are tons of statistics.
I now have PTSD. I don’t look like the face of PTSD and the anxiety is already getting more manageable. 🙏🏻 Loud noises (especially the sound of a throaty Harley) startle me in a rush of adrenaline that eventually causes heart palpitations and a headache. I hate that I don’t have control over this!  ❤️ There are accidents involving fatality everyday yet I felt completely alone and hopeless…
Before my accident I had many thoughts and opinions over mental health and how selfish suicide is, even thinking about ending one’s life is selfish, it was the wrong word. The word is hopeless.
I held on to hope when I could not see or feel anything. My faith and the prayers of those who love me were just enough and I am so grateful! Forever grateful!
Something I did that was a miracle one very low day is I looked up all the promises of God. I had to hold my thoughts accountable! I got out a sheet of paper and divided it down the center (hotdog style for my teachers out there 😌)
God is TRUTH| The enemy LIE
God is love
God wants to forgive me
God has answered other prayers
God is answering current prayers
God blessed me with family
God provides the perfect songs when I need them
God is bigger than all things
With tears I wrote the list and on the other side…
The enemy steals, kills and destroys
he lies, deceives
he wants me to stay sad and rob my joy
he wants to destroy the future of my children
So from that day forward I kept that notebook with me if I was out of the house and when I went back in. I would refer to it when a thought came and it was categorized.
I did recognize I would need help so I did make an appointment with a licensed counselor that specializes in PTSD.
I rested in the promises of God! I took captive my thoughts and I still battle them!
Thank you for letting me outlet here what has been a crock pot of emotions in my head. If you are struggling with the negative talk, or influenced by lies it is time to take captive the thoughts and words you speak and believe. Put some emotions in a clear box and recognize them but don’t play with them. Instead label those things healthy/unhealthy and begin to replace the unhealthy thoughts/actions.
Today I still struggle as different situations pop up, new layers of dealing with a new reality. In just a couple days it will be 18 months since my accident that claimed a life of an innocent person. I still think about this person and his family everyday, sometimes many times a day. The difference from a year and half ago is I have HOPE restored, I am so grateful for things in life that are eternal and lasting! My worldview has forever changed, my lens is focused on helping others while helping myself. I will never lie and say it’s all roses or easy but I also will not entertain guilt that I am branded or shamed or selfish to celebrate healing! Sensitive, yes! Guilty, NO!
You may not be able to relate to my particular situation ( I pray not) but the road to healing means searching the broken pieces and acknowledging them without entertaining them.
Maybe you are not a believer, but you want healing. The short reality is this is the only truth I know personally. That does not mean you (non-believer) are without hope. Make you list of thoughts and ask verbally and internally for your eyes to see and your very being to guide you to your truth! If you ever would like prayer please message me!
Claim that miracle!
Be accountable to your thoughts and actions!
Make a plain list, don’t just set a goal but a plan on how to get there!
XOXO 😘
2 Corinthians 10:5-6 The Message (MSG). 3-6 The world is unprincipled. It’s dog- eat-dog out there! The world doesn’t fight fair. But we don’t live or fight our battles that way—never have and never will. The tools of our trade aren’t for marketing or manipulation, but they are for demolishing that entire massively corrupt culture.

2 Corinthians 10:3-5 New International Version (NIV)

For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does.The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

Healthy me, Struggles are Real

Accountability, finding people that hold you accountable physically, emotionally, morally, and all the space in between!

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1 Thessalonians 5:11 ESV / Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.

Proverbs 27:17 ESV / 

Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.

I don’t like to sugar coat things, most time I will say things plainly especially if I love you.

I was not always compassionate with my approach, over the years and by choking on my words I wish I could take back I have learned to be honest without borderlining cruel.

I speak plainly about myself and many do not know how to receive that well. It’s ok, it’s how I do life.

I am what I am, popular is not a personal priority, I do however hold my standards that I am accountable to the Lord. I do not want to be a person that causes another “man” to stumble.

Surrounding yourself with people that hold you accountable is treasure worth investing time and energy in. I want people to say, “I love you but it’s time to stop hiding behind this excuse and ______!”

Or Jenn, I love you but I don’t agree and so I will pray for you and support you but this is what my heart believes!

For many years I have let “myself” go, I did not give energy to my personal needs including self care. I would feel guilty spending time improving myself, spending money on things for me, but instead poured out until I was drained and bitter if I am being honest. There was a time where I spent life in a constant state of “survival mode.” If you are in a season, maybe a child struggling with illness, the throws of motherhood, single parenting, or going through a trial…there is a time of adjustment but do not stay stagnant in that space!

I have been there! More times than I can count sometimes it was out of my control and sometimes it was out of throwing in the towel and accepting this as life.

But God wants us to live a full life even through trials. Grab the hand of someone positive around you and lean into one another. God always provides people who will hold you accountable, astonishingly you will see where you will also be the answer to their prayers. It’s amazing how that works.

I think the day my husband truly fell in love with me was when we had just begun dating and I stood up him.

I can think of two instances where he looked at me as if no one had ever spoken so plainly to him and it was not what he wanted to hear.

Wish I had a pic but I can still see his face when I said, “well I think you should take me home,” 10 minutes after arriving at a party with drinking and smoking, etc.

Another time was I was driving ( we were 19) and he had moved his seat belt as to not wrinkle his shirt. I pulled over and refused to drive until he was safe… He was so frustrated and yet so hooked.

Today, seventeen years of marriage behind us we hold each other accountable as spouses, as parents, as believers, as people.

Also, I seek out the people God has called into my life where I know they will speak life and truth to me, likewise I can’t be just a life-sucker…I have a responsibility to return the favor in love of course.

Right now I am taking an honest inventory of me.

I haven’t just set goals and hopes but a plan and accountability. God has blessed me with friendships that challenge me, encourage, and especially will not sugar coat places that need change. This is spiritual, physical, mental, moral, and all other aspects of life that are nearly impossible to go alone.

There are no excuses to being unhealthy and obese. I want a full life with confidence, you can’t have both.

I have friends who have stepped up to be accountability partners! So grateful for them!

If you are needing someone to help hold you accountable, with honest answers and prayers then message me! We can do his together!

Be iron!