Faith, Miracles Happen, Uncategorized

Lent 2018, what I learned from fasting from posting to social media and our second vehicle…

I’d like to say that I waited so long to share my experience from Lent this year was due to self reflection and waiting on the Lord…But that would be a lie! I have no amazingness to share with you except that it did bear fruit.

I gave up posting to social media kinda on a whim. I had just been pondering my need to post and wondered if I would have withdrawal from posting, I mean did I need to really share/over share so much about our life????!!! Big fat NOPE, my posting was not meaningful, and it was certainly not for the purpose of why I have a Facebook. I chose to buy-in with this platform is to connect with people in life I cared about, this is my why. What I make for dinner and ever random thought is not hidden in the agenda, it was obviously becoming a flesh=issue for me personally. So for 40 days I refrained (for the most part.) I don’t count the prayer request about our bank information being stolen (the enemy was throwing punches left and right) or the final respect to one of my most favorite evangelists, Billy Graham, totally understandable!

Life lesson: Life will go on without social media. Not documenting play-by play for people is totally good for the soul and for time! My friend’s still remember me despite the lack of me popping up on their feed!

So since Easter I have paused to think about what my purpose in sharing is, will it be a memory I want to revisit the years to come?

Would I roll my eyes at it’s context if it weren’t mine?

Am I self-seeking?

So basically I post 90% less! Shameful!

Coincidently during this time our van “Big Blue” also received it’s last $40 oil change before the attendant let me know just.how.dangerous it was to drive. Apparently we were a 1-0 on a scale of 1-10. The blessing is it was brought to my attention before making my trip to Houston alone with the kids! Thank you Jesus!

Here is the bigger growth, I felt content in the very inconvenient circumstance of a 6 person family with a 5 seater vehicle. Was it easy? Big Fat Nope! But did I throw a tantrum, lash out from frustration, or covet my neighbor…No I really didn’t, not to boast of myself. Really these are all things I am guilty of pre-accident. Unfortunately, there was a time I would believe the lie that maybe my marriage was the reason for our financial woes. We weren’t doing it right! Lie! I knew God would provide, I did not know when but we chose to be grateful for preventing another accident with the van, we chose to work together and up our communication, and most importantly we prayed for God to work things out at some point!!!!

ANd he did! On Good Friday we were able to bring “a new to us” van home. Blessed does not adequately describe gratitude!

So on to the next test, the following week myself along with many other teachers learned our school is closing. As much as I wish none of us were facing this time of uncertainty, I also know God is faithful! I will enter into the season of job hunting with eyes wide open seeking out God’s will, direction, and most importantly HIS peace!

Whatever we face we will do it together and trusting the outcome!

So cheers to a fruitful Lent 2018! What did you fast from?redeemed

Catch all drawer (random), I teach

Dear weary teacher here is a pep talk!

You are on the home stretch!

The end of the marathon for 2017/2018 is approaching…

State testing is also rising up like a tropical storm and we are all waiting to see if it will hit the coast or bounce back into the ocean.

Do you still love what you do?

Why or why not?

If you have won the lottery or your side hustle needs to become your main gig, awesome! Congrats! (MLM, alternate skill, small business, other calling)

If the answer is you let things out of your control dictate the calling of your life, I do not believe you will ever have fulfillment.

Currently I feel the pressure, I feel the negativity, I even join in on teacher’s lounge complaining occasionally but my heart breaks for students that fear the standardized test before they even sit down with their #2 pencils, water bottle and four hour beating to remain quiet.

Here is the pep talk, you are called to teach! It’s probably in your blood, maybe even generational…It is true teachers usually played school as a child ( I did) and you know there is no better feeling than when that one kid gets it!!!

Do not believe the lie that your hands are tied!

Do not believe the lie that you are not appreciated!

Do not believe the lie that you do not get paid enough to put up with this _____! (That one is probably not far fetched 😉

You survived flu season.

You survived ARDs.

You survived lice notices.

You survived grading policies and stomach bug running rampant and drills.

Sometimes in teaching you have to accept the labor pains without seeing the glory but it does not mean it doesn’t exist.

Who is that teacher that poured into you? You haven’t forgotten! That saying, the smile, the warmth or trick that didn’t leave you and influenced your advising meeting in college to pursue education.

That is you for someone else! BELIEVE!

Finishing the school year is like that workout you don’t want to tackle but then so glad you did. Finish strong like you tell your students. Drink your own Kool-aid and pray for your love for teaching to be

Restored.

Rekindled.

Realized.

or to remain.

You’d make more money in a thousand other professions but you would miss your love of classroom structure, labeled bins, visual aids, the perfect THEMES!!!

High-five, chest bump and fist pump you are amazing at what you do! Do all the things you love about teaching and let the “things and pressures” that are out of your classroom bubble be ignored like the kid in the front row digging in his nose and not only can the class see him but lunch is next… Let it go with a sigh and a squirt of hand sanitizer!

XOXO

 

Faith, Miracles Happen

After my accident I wasn’t just in a low place, I was living a hell inside my head but a miracle happened!

I did not let the enemy win my faith, my marriage, my joy, my future…there were/are days he got the upper hand by taking my peace but not without a fight! This is the hard cold reality and one of the strongest reasons I share, most people like me succumb to the depression.
I won’t even spell it out for you but there are tons of statistics.
I now have PTSD. I don’t look like the face of PTSD and the anxiety is already getting more manageable. 🙏🏻 Loud noises (especially the sound of a throaty Harley) startle me in a rush of adrenaline that eventually causes heart palpitations and a headache. I hate that I don’t have control over this!  ❤️ There are accidents involving fatality everyday yet I felt completely alone and hopeless…
Before my accident I had many thoughts and opinions over mental health and how selfish suicide is, even thinking about ending one’s life is selfish, it was the wrong word. The word is hopeless.
I held on to hope when I could not see or feel anything. My faith and the prayers of those who love me were just enough and I am so grateful! Forever grateful!
Something I did that was a miracle one very low day is I looked up all the promises of God. I had to hold my thoughts accountable! I got out a sheet of paper and divided it down the center (hotdog style for my teachers out there 😌)
God is TRUTH| The enemy LIE
God is love
God wants to forgive me
God has answered other prayers
God is answering current prayers
God blessed me with family
God provides the perfect songs when I need them
God is bigger than all things
With tears I wrote the list and on the other side…
The enemy steals, kills and destroys
he lies, deceives
he wants me to stay sad and rob my joy
he wants to destroy the future of my children
So from that day forward I kept that notebook with me if I was out of the house and when I went back in. I would refer to it when a thought came and it was categorized.
I did recognize I would need help so I did make an appointment with a licensed counselor that specializes in PTSD.
I rested in the promises of God! I took captive my thoughts and I still battle them!
Thank you for letting me outlet here what has been a crock pot of emotions in my head. If you are struggling with the negative talk, or influenced by lies it is time to take captive the thoughts and words you speak and believe. Put some emotions in a clear box and recognize them but don’t play with them. Instead label those things healthy/unhealthy and begin to replace the unhealthy thoughts/actions.
Today I still struggle as different situations pop up, new layers of dealing with a new reality. In just a couple days it will be 18 months since my accident that claimed a life of an innocent person. I still think about this person and his family everyday, sometimes many times a day. The difference from a year and half ago is I have HOPE restored, I am so grateful for things in life that are eternal and lasting! My worldview has forever changed, my lens is focused on helping others while helping myself. I will never lie and say it’s all roses or easy but I also will not entertain guilt that I am branded or shamed or selfish to celebrate healing! Sensitive, yes! Guilty, NO!
You may not be able to relate to my particular situation ( I pray not) but the road to healing means searching the broken pieces and acknowledging them without entertaining them.
Maybe you are not a believer, but you want healing. The short reality is this is the only truth I know personally. That does not mean you (non-believer) are without hope. Make you list of thoughts and ask verbally and internally for your eyes to see and your very being to guide you to your truth! If you ever would like prayer please message me!
Claim that miracle!
Be accountable to your thoughts and actions!
Make a plain list, don’t just set a goal but a plan on how to get there!
XOXO 😘
2 Corinthians 10:5-6 The Message (MSG). 3-6 The world is unprincipled. It’s dog- eat-dog out there! The world doesn’t fight fair. But we don’t live or fight our battles that way—never have and never will. The tools of our trade aren’t for marketing or manipulation, but they are for demolishing that entire massively corrupt culture.

2 Corinthians 10:3-5 New International Version (NIV)

For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does.The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

Healthy me, Struggles are Real

Accountability, finding people that hold you accountable physically, emotionally, morally, and all the space in between!

pexels-photo-615472.jpeg

1 Thessalonians 5:11 ESV / Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.

Proverbs 27:17 ESV / 

Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.

I don’t like to sugar coat things, most time I will say things plainly especially if I love you.

I was not always compassionate with my approach, over the years and by choking on my words I wish I could take back I have learned to be honest without borderlining cruel.

I speak plainly about myself and many do not know how to receive that well. It’s ok, it’s how I do life.

I am what I am, popular is not a personal priority, I do however hold my standards that I am accountable to the Lord. I do not want to be a person that causes another “man” to stumble.

Surrounding yourself with people that hold you accountable is treasure worth investing time and energy in. I want people to say, “I love you but it’s time to stop hiding behind this excuse and ______!”

Or Jenn, I love you but I don’t agree and so I will pray for you and support you but this is what my heart believes!

For many years I have let “myself” go, I did not give energy to my personal needs including self care. I would feel guilty spending time improving myself, spending money on things for me, but instead poured out until I was drained and bitter if I am being honest. There was a time where I spent life in a constant state of “survival mode.” If you are in a season, maybe a child struggling with illness, the throws of motherhood, single parenting, or going through a trial…there is a time of adjustment but do not stay stagnant in that space!

I have been there! More times than I can count sometimes it was out of my control and sometimes it was out of throwing in the towel and accepting this as life.

But God wants us to live a full life even through trials. Grab the hand of someone positive around you and lean into one another. God always provides people who will hold you accountable, astonishingly you will see where you will also be the answer to their prayers. It’s amazing how that works.

I think the day my husband truly fell in love with me was when we had just begun dating and I stood up him.

I can think of two instances where he looked at me as if no one had ever spoken so plainly to him and it was not what he wanted to hear.

Wish I had a pic but I can still see his face when I said, “well I think you should take me home,” 10 minutes after arriving at a party with drinking and smoking, etc.

Another time was I was driving ( we were 19) and he had moved his seat belt as to not wrinkle his shirt. I pulled over and refused to drive until he was safe… He was so frustrated and yet so hooked.

Today, seventeen years of marriage behind us we hold each other accountable as spouses, as parents, as believers, as people.

Also, I seek out the people God has called into my life where I know they will speak life and truth to me, likewise I can’t be just a life-sucker…I have a responsibility to return the favor in love of course.

Right now I am taking an honest inventory of me.

I haven’t just set goals and hopes but a plan and accountability. God has blessed me with friendships that challenge me, encourage, and especially will not sugar coat places that need change. This is spiritual, physical, mental, moral, and all other aspects of life that are nearly impossible to go alone.

There are no excuses to being unhealthy and obese. I want a full life with confidence, you can’t have both.

I have friends who have stepped up to be accountability partners! So grateful for them!

If you are needing someone to help hold you accountable, with honest answers and prayers then message me! We can do his together!

Be iron!